Rev. AndreaGrace reflects:
The year started off wonderfully – with a lovely New Year’s Eve gathering, a quick trip to New York City for our son’s birthday and a beautiful Mass with the BeLoved Community for the Epiphany.
Then, things turned – quickly and rather unbelievably….
The flu made an appearance in our home. My heart ached as two of my long-time friends mourned the passing of their sisters and a dear friend began in-home hospice. My godson had to evacuate the LA wildfires. And… pregnant squirrels came and made nests in our walls. That’s all in one week.
At the end of the week, I had my first choral concert in 40+ years. The theme for the concert was “This Land Was Made for You and Me.” There were traditional songs like that one and “America the Beautiful” set in four -part harmony. There were songs from the Civil Rights movement like “We Shall Overcome” as well as new pieces, some of which were famous poems set to music. As we practiced throughout the autumn and electoral season, and as we performed in the week before the presidential inauguration, I was touched by how music moved me, enraged me, inspired me, comforted me. We sang “Earth Song” by Frank Ticheli with the line that summed it all up:
“But music and singing shall be my refuge.
And music and singing shall be my light.”
A few days after the concert, a family member was diagnosed with a debilitating disease.
I awoke with my soul singing, “Still We Sing Alleluia!” It’s a piece that was composed for Easter during COVID when we were in lock-down. Some say “alleluia” is a rendition of “hallelujah” meaning “to praise the Divine One.” Others say that “alleluia” is a reference to Jesus’ resurrection. We can broaden that to celebrate all life that comes out of death including the amaryllis that are springing forth out of bulbs, the rainbows appearing after the storms, the babies we welcome after painful labors and deliveries.
As I met with my spiritual director that week, I was remarking on how centered and steady I felt even as all these storms swirled around me. I was kinda like the “weebles that wobbled but didn’t fall over.” (Remember them?!) My faith, my relationship with my Divine Beloved, and my prayer practice were sustaining me – along with my strong circle of love.
I went away for a long weekend. And then…. as I was heading back to the hotel to leave for the airport, I fell and contorted both my feet. To make a long story short, I’m now in a wheelchair with two walking boots – with the doctor advising me to avoid putting weight on either foot. Daily life changed overnight for me. The physical pain was intense. The not-knowing of how much damage or how long it will take to heal was also doing me in. (I've since learned that I have multiple broken bones in both feet. Next week, I will meet with the doctor about treatment plans.)
The tapes from 40+ years of a spiritual journey were playing in my head. Interestingly… people have been speaking the same messages out loud.
You do too much. The Universe is telling you to slow down.
You do so much good, the devil tried to knock you down but he can’t win.
It’s your cross to bear now – so offer it up.
None of them were resonating as Divine truth right now.
In the days that followed, in between doctor’s appointments, we had a mouse run through our kitchen, a dearly beloved furry friend die and our heating system give out. I couldn’t take it anymore.
In my angst – I cried out to God…. Where was God in all of this? And why was this all happening? I spoke with friends searching for answers….
“Hello AndreaGrace. A freak accident. That’s what this is.” Literally – that’s how Cathy started the conversation. And I knew in my heart of hearts – that was the answer.
I had asked… and God had answered.
It was a freak accident. No spiritual meaning. The next morning in my prayer time, a potpourri of hopeful messages appeared about how to handle all of this. One mentioned a Buddhist story about how a handful of salt in a glass of water is so bitter but the same handful of salt in a lake is diffused. Gratefully, my life is a beautiful, love-ly lake which is diffusing the saltiness of these days. Another one that stuck with me is: “Out of emergencies – newness emerges.” It goes back to “still we sing Alleluia.”
Day by day, my feet are healing – thank God. I’m learning to accept help in new ways. I’m cultivating creativity as I navigate life in a wheelchair. I’m developing a deeper compassion for people who are differently-abled and those who lost abilities through accidents or diseases. I’m simplifying - alot. I’m laughing and I’m crying. I’m continuing to practice gratitude and prioritize my other spiritual practices. I am so blessed in so many ways and my life is still so rich. I am praising the Divine One and I am singing…. Hold Onto Love
PS - If you'd like to help... First, please say a prayer for me or send good vibes my way. I do believe that prayers and good vibes work! Then, if you think of it, send along a favorite song to buoy me! I've started to make a playlist for this season of my life! You can email it through here!
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